Moving On…

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So last week was extremely tough for me.  (And no, I haven’t weighed myself yet.)

I got a very unexpected email last Tuesday from Chiro saying they were no longer pursuing the yoga studio they’d hired me to help create & grow. I have no idea why, and in all honesty, I feel like he’s ducking my email and calls. It hurts because it feels like a friend is divorcing you. I’ve only had one other point in time where this really happened. It was back in college when the girlfriend of male roommate became jealous of our EXTREMELY platonic relationship, i.e. NOTHING to be jealous about.

I’ve felt pretty lost because of it this week. I’d really been looking toward this opportunity as my future. I’ve told my family and some close friends. I don’t want to break it to Red yet because I know he’ll say something snarky. But I have to because he was going to be doing some work for the project.

All in all, it’s also been tough to concentrate at work, and think that I now have to make the most of it there. I had just been doing what I needed to do and planning for when I could leave to pursue this future. But I should have known it was too good to be true.

So to cope, I’ve been trying to throw myself into self growth. I’ve emailed a lot back and worth with my best friend from college (we’ll call him “FinanceMan”). He’s also been on a mission of self awareness since his girlfriend left him. I’ve also been trying to decide what to do to pursue my better health. I’m clearly not comfortable going to the yoga classes anymore. How awkward would that be?

So Thursday I went on a long, long walk with my friend Lorrie. It was a brisk, two hour walk with me wearing my new pair of Reebok SimplyTones, which I think might be another retail name for the EasyTones.  Whatever, they’re suppose to put an extra kick into your butt, thighs, and calves while you walk, and I think it helped. We’re going to try making it a weekly thing, but likely not two hours every week.

I’m also starting a Couch-to-5k this week. Supposedly within 9 weeks I’ll be able to run a 5k (approximately 3 miles). I’ve just decided I need to take the reigns on my own life. And have the future be what I make it.


The Long and Short of It

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This is the story of me.  Since I was a girl I was always chubby. There is a brief phase during my childhood where I look back and pictures and envy the round butt I had as a 4 and 5 year old. Sad, huh?

When I left for college, I weighed about 190 lbs, fluctuating between 190 and 170 during my time there.  Three months after leaving college (graduated in May 2003) I started dating Red (see: The Players) who is a whole other story.  At one point I dropped to 158 lbs but didn’t realize what I had when I had it. At 5’9″, I was well within the healthy not-even-overweight range! Then my relationship went down the tubes and I was diagnosed with a Thyroid issue. Slowly the pounds started adding on.

Then in January 2009 my boyfriend and I finally split. It was a good and sad thing. It was what I needed, and I’m a much more mentally healthy person since the split, but although I was ecstatic to live on my own for the first time in my life, I haven’t handled every aspect of it well.

Two weeks ago I went to the doctor and it said I weighed 267lbs. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. And it’s only because of my anonymity here that I’m willing to even post that number.

This blog will be a place for me to discuss my life and the highs and lows my struggle with weight causes. Some days it will be a forum for motivation, and other days for self-pity.

Eventually I’ll post some Worst, Best, and Current photos, but I’m not secure enough just quite yet. :)

Follow me on the journey, and join in on the fun!